Hello, summer. Nice to see you again. I see you’ve brought some friends with you. Mosquito. Wasp. Gnat. Tick. Oh, and how could I have forgotten you, Biting Flies? I can’t say I’m pleased to see any of you, so how about we just agree to ignore each other for the rest of our lives? Sound good?”
This has been my friendly approach with bugs that bite. Live and let live, you know? But let’s just say, this kind of relationship has never worked. There’s clearly a breakdown in communication going on because I do not like bugs that bite, and they absolutely, completely, voraciously continue to LOVE me.
Bug stories punctuate my life. Terrifying tales in which I was clearly marked as the all-you-can-eat buffet for every hungry mosquito within a ten mile radius. Miserable memories of tiny bug bites that turned into nasty, itchy welts the size of half-dollars. Buggy adventures in places where everyone else seems lovely and fine, and I’m popping Benadryl like candy. I’m not sure what it is. My body chemistry? My body temperature? My inviting bug-like body language? It doesn’t matter. Bugs adore me, and THAT’S THAT.
Let me tell you, I’ve tried an awful lot of products, toxic and non-toxic alike, without much success. Nothing has seemed to really work to discourage bugs from chomping down on any flesh I’m forced to expose. I’ve had bugs nibble on the tops of my ears…and not in a good way. Well, all that’s over. Alise’s Goodbye Bugs! Spray has saved me. Literally. I’ve been spending my summer in the wild woods of Idaho amidst mosquitos and all their biting friends, and this spray is truly keeping the bugs at bay. This is no small thing. It’s the difference between up-all-night itching/scratching and a good night’s sleep. It’s the difference between furious swatting/swearing and sending all living creatures love. It’s a good thing, people.
I’m happy to not be itching, but I’m also especially happy that I don’t have to spray myself down with something resembling highly concentrated weed killer. Alise’s Goodbye Bugs! Spray is completely organic and 100% natural. There’s nothing but distilled water and a special—clearly miraculous—combination of essential oils in this lovely, refreshing spray. And the bonus? It smells like cinnamon and tingles a bit on your skin. Absolute perfection on a hot, buggy day.
Alise offers “Goodbye Bugs! Spray” in a compact 4 oz durable spray bottle. I would like to have a couple of gallons on hand with a pressure sprayer attached. Or maybe just a holster with a bottle on each hip. At any rate, I don’t intend to run out of this stuff any time soon. I have every intention of saying goodbye to bugs and hello to summer!
– Written By Lexi Alfieri
Alexi Alfieri has written silly poems, ridiculous short stories, comical speeches, and many, many fun playscripts for children’s theater. You can find more of her work on her website, Fun Middle School Plays, at funmiddleschoolplays.com.